This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
