I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
