Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
