Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
