I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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