I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
