Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I look better un-naked...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
