i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
