Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
