I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
