Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
