maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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