OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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