Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
