its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
