I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
