True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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