I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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