tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
