I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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