I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
