i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
