ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
