dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
3 2 1 whiskey
me + whiskey = a bad person
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
