first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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