I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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