yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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