for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
