I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
