walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
