Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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