Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
