You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
