Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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