made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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