and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
