So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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