It's like a parade of train wrecks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize