Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
