I got chris browned last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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