Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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