Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
