where am i from again
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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