if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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