i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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