What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
