she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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