is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
