I feel like I'm in dance class right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
