then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
