whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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