Swine flu. Run for my life!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
