Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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