just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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