the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
