epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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