it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
