The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I believe in your delicious
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
