smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
