Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
