I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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