he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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