I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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