the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
