Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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