I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do vagina's smell?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
as a side note pls kill me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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