you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
