UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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