how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
