Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
