so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
