My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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